Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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