I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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