Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
