Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
