Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
