he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
