it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
