his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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