Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
