I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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