How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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