i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
As shirtless as possible
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
