I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
