My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
