Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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