i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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