4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
