I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
