I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize