I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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