i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
