We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
