i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize