At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
