He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
