And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
