Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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