I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize