I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
