I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
