Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Pooping to opera.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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