it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize