i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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