guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
third nipple confirmed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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