my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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