who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
