Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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