It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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