are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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