There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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