you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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