piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
