i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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