just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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