Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
