Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
