so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
