I'm gonna have a badass scar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
