what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize