Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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