He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
