He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
