nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
