I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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