i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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