I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my poor anus
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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