I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize