U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
