careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
