I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
