i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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