Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
